Safe Families–Straight From my Journal (part 2)

This is part 2 of a 3 part series about our first experience with Safe Families. This is about our 10 day hosting of a 5-year-old homeless boy named Mike.
See part 1 here.

August 1st – Thursday
Two things I’m wondering about:
1-Why is Mike’s voice so scratchy?
Is it silly to wonder this?
It’s like he has been trained to talk in a baby-talk-deep-whiney voice. Maybe he gets more money when he sounds like that. Sometimes he talks normal but as soon as he talks with his mom it’s back to the forced scratchiness. When I prompt him to “talk like a big boy” he can take away the scratchy voice.
2-Mike doesn’t wipe when he goes poop.
This bothers me because it’s gross and because I have the clean-up. I wonder if his parents don’t know to teach him how or if they don’t do it so it isn’t even on their radar.
Those are two things I’m wondering today.
Today was the same, he did well but still runs away when we call. The other host mom came over during VBS and I was able to sign Mike up for Summer Camp program at another church with Sarah next week. It will be a good break for my kids. And the church he is going to will really pour into him.
The other host mom found info about the OC Rescue Mission. The OC Rescue Mission keeps families together and does job training so we are encouraging Debbie to look into it. The other host mom is very smart and is thinking beyond the hosting about how to help Mike and Sarah. She even found housing within Debbie’s budget. Debbie said they are “coming into some money” on the 3rd and she seemed open to these ideas when they talked yesterday. But we also feel like she is just humoring us.
That night Brad threw me a surprise birthday party bonfire at the beach with a lot of our close friends.
(Soooooooo fun!!!)
Mike was all over the place but I like that he was in nature again. I hope he sees that people can be fun and happy. He enjoyed playing in the sand and walking on the beach with family.
Debbie called on the way home and she was mad and short with me. Mike didn’t want to talk to her because he was so tired. I asked if she could call before 9pm… preferably around 4-6pm… so Mike wouldn’t be tired or already asleep. Debbie was insinuating that I wasn’t taking care of Mike well. This really bothers me. Brad thinks I’m crazy. I mean if they were with Debbie they would be sleeping on the sidewalk and panhandling all day.
Blarg.

August 2nd – Friday
VBS was great. Afterward Mike was helping clean up really well. I didn’t think he wanted to leave. He needs positive consistency.
Don’t we all.
That night was an end of VBS BBQ at the pool. He participated in the songs and loved swimming in the pool. He loves the water! One of the church members mentioned the Fred Jordan Mission in LA. I looked it up and it looks great but I think it’s more like a soup kitchen not a place where a family can live.

Debbie called at 4pm which was awesome because Mike was awake. But he still doesn’t want to talk with her. She was really chatty and friendly and said that she looked up the OC Rescue Mission on the internet at the public library, and thought it looked really neat.
We will see.
She also spent 20 minutes telling me craft ideas I can do with the kids. Like she was reading off a google list of ideas. It was really weird. She asked if we could get Mike’s hair cut, which is totally fine. Then she asked if we would could throw Mike and Sarah a birthday party. A “big party with a fancy cake, piñata and lots of presents.” And that we should tell the kids it was from Debbie and her husband.
This rubbed me the wrong way… and I don’t know why. It felt like she was being nice the whole conversation just to get me to say yes to the haircut and birthday party.

August 3rd – Saturday
We went to Doheny with the other host family today and it was a lot of fun. I’m so glad our two host families have each other. We didn’t really know each other at all, but the dad was on the prayer team that came to the hospital to pray for my mom. And that is pretty cool. I’m excited that we get along so well and that we can support each other through this.
At the beach Mike and Sarah were ganging up together and throwing sand at other children. We met a family law lawyer and she told us the 3rd was Social Security Day. Which explains why Debbie says they are coming into some money today.
On the way home from the beach I was telling Mike that we are trying to help his parents get into the shelter “like the Orange County Rescue Mission.” Mike gasped and said “I love that place!!!”
Um, what!?!?
Then he wouldn’t say anything else about it.
I’m feeling like Debbie is just trying to work the system and get money from us. Mike is opening up and talking to us more.
After the beach we went to the pool to rinse off the sand and I can tell the major repetition and is helping Mike listen and obey more. After the pool we went to a BBQ at our neighbor’s house. I think it’s really good for Mike to hang out with lots of people. I couldn’t tell if some of the kids were picking on him or if he was instigating the other kids near the pool. They were splashing him while he was in clothes and standing on the outside of the pool. It felt like the situation was escalating in a negative way. Then one of the teenage boys took Mike aside to run and play. It’s fun to see Mike having fun.
Then I took Mike back home to put to bed. He told me that he wants us to come to his birthday party. That seems like a major breakthrough. He’s using the words “us” and “we” when describing our family. I feel like he really does feel excepted and safe.

August 4th – Sunday
Church went well and I talked with the teachers and they said Mike had some trouble listening. We did lunch at Café Rio then went to the flea market, It was a fun family outing. If I thought we got a lot of looks as a family of six in public places… multiply that by a thousand with a family of 7… where it is obvious that one is different than the others.
This hosting has prompted deeper thoughts about transracial adoption. It’s a bit overwhelming. But maybe I’m making it more complicated in my head than it actually is.
We got Mike’s haircut. It took two hours. His fro was so dense that the clippers couldn’t cut through it, so she had to do it all by hand then shape it later with the clippers. I’m a little partial to his little fro but he does look very handsome with it short. We had done blue polkadots for crazy hair day at VBS, and 4 days later he was still sweating blue out of his sideburns… after baths and a trip to the pool! It was so dense before that I think it was holding in the dirt and sweat because he was always scratching his head.
That night our friends brought us dinner (which was the HUGEST help ever). We ate at home then took a twilight bike ride.
We are hoping to teach Mike how to ride a two-wheel bike before he leaves Friday.
We ate dessert and played outside till the sun went down.
It was a fun day for all.

August 5th – Monday
The kiddos were all a little rambunctious this morning. Mike thought everyone was going to the Summer Day Camp. When Eli told Mike he was going alone, Mike got very nervous. He rushed to me with his bag of crafts from last week’s VBS (he sleeps with that bag and treasures everything inside) and was very concerned. I told him he would get to go with Sarah and that I would pick him up as soon as the camp was over. Mike was so relieved. I heard him run back to Eli and say, “your mom is going to pick me up later today!!!”
The rest of the day went great. And I got a lot done without Mike there.
We played baseball that evening in the backyard and mike LOVED it.
He is good too.

I’m praying he remembers these special moments. I love to see him blossom here and I wonder what he would be like in a more normal environment.
We played till the sun went down.
Then we sat in the yard and watched the bats flying around. We even saw an owl. Mike talked about sleeping outside under the trees.
Ug.
I love his sweet side but then his old man homeless side comes out. It’s so strange. One minutes he’s a sweet boy then he’s crazy homeless man. He seems to take on the mannerisms and characteristics of a stereotypical homeless mentally unstable person – like talking to himself in an odd way and hitting/slapping himself. Hard. Yelling. Making scary faces.
It breaks my heart.

August 6th – Tuesday
Another great day at camp and the kids are behaving well. But things caught up with me today and I was done mentally so we went to Outback for dinner.
I felt so proud after dinner because multiple people (including the waitress) commented on how well behaved our children were. I feel like this is huge for Mike. I also forget what a spectacle my large family is to outsiders looking in.
We are a walking circus.
One that you can usually hear before you see.
It’s normal to me and I love it. But even when I see a mom out with four children I think to myself… “That’s too many kids… Let’s see… 1…2…3…4. Oh.” Five kids must just look silly.
But I still want more.
And going through this experience is only making adoption seem more amazing.
I’m extremely unsettled about Debbie, Mike’s mom. I think it’s odd that Mike never wants to talk to her and never asks about her. When she calls he says “Hi Mommy,” in his scratchy voice then says, “I miss you” mechanically, then pushes the phone away. When I ask him about his family he never has an answer. Debbie called last night but it was late and the kids were in bed. She left a message for Mike saying that she missed him. it was nice. Then tonight she called and was very upset. Mike didn’t want to talk so I literally fed him lines: “I got my haircut today… I pet a shark at the tidepool… I drew a picture…” So I think she was OK with that.
Then she talked with me for 25 minutes about how difficult it is to get off the street.
I believe her.
But one of her reasons was that she would have to listen to 18 messages to get to the one from the OC Rescue Mission. And she said that when she heard there was a phone interview as well as 2 in person interviews it “burst her bubble” because she didn’t “like being at a certain place at a certain time.”
Um… like for a job.
Ug.
Then she said she couldn’t get to an interview in Orange County. I told her we would give her a ride anytime and anywhere and she said she didn’t want to burden anyone.
Um… like having people watch your children, and buying them new wardrobes and getting them haircuts and signing them up for really fun activities?
Which I don’t mind doing at all.
In fact, I love doing it.
And she also asked us to throw the children a big party and tell the kids it was from her.
Debbie was very angry that the kids were coming back Friday.
”Why do I have to get them back Friday. Can’t they extend the time.”
Um… extend the time for what?
You aren’t doing anything. All the research and housing leads were from the other host mom. She found housing in your price range and even visited the OC Rescue Mission for information. I don’t think Debbie wants to change or maybe she can’t change. She complained that she didn’t get as much money as she thought she would on the 3rd. But Mike did tell me that his parents spend all their money on cigarettes and beer. Debbie also told me that she smoked a joint the first day the kids were gone.
Blarg.

• Twitter
• Facebook
• Google+
• Latest Posts

@karanoellawson

Kara Noel Lawson

+Kara Noel Lawson

Latest posts by Kara Noel Lawson (see all)

• Low Carb Banana Bread – Keto Friendly - June 11, 2018
• The Fresh 20, Black History Month and Midnight Reading - January 22, 2018
• Reverse Osmosis Water System from Costco - January 22, 2018