Anti Social Media Experiment Archives - Small Things Are Big Things

(This is my personal action step after my social media rant post.)

I enjoy social media, but I believe it creates the false illusion of authentic relationships.
It got me thinking – How can I combat this in my life?
A real-life gathering.
Obviously.
My stipulations were – we had to meet regularly, I wanted to be outward focused (meaning some sort of purpose involved), and the planning/interaction couldn’t be centered around social media. (I actually thought we would go through a book as well… but I usually tend to be over ambitious, and that flopped…it is an experiment…)
Is it even possible to plan an event without using social media?
It’s kinda a pain in the a&$ but totally doable.
Here is my Warfare Against Superficial Relationships Among Women as a Result of the False Sense of Closeness that Comes from Using Social Media Group.
But I just call it, my Anti-Social Experiment.
Since this is an experiment… then I guess what follows is my data!
Maybe after reading this, you can conduct your one experiment too!
Inviting Women
I’m an over inviter. I can’t help it. I never want anyone to feel left out. I felt uncomfortable calling specific friends because I didn’t want the group to feel exclusive to anyone. So I did a status update invite on Facebook… because that’s where the moms are (see yesterday’s post) to see if anyone was interested. I quickly had almost 60 comments from lovely ladies who were interested and excited.
Yeeessssss (I thought)… this is exactly what everyone has wanted. Needed. I thought I’d have about 6 interested ladies but now we have a group of like 40 rad women are going to change the world!!!
So I shot out a comment with a request for all interested parties to email, text or message me their snail mail address and contact numbers.
Crickets.
And that’s what I don’t like about facebook. It felt phony. I know, I know… people are busy or may have never followed up with the comments. And when you see something you want to do on a facebook status, it’s so easy jump right before thinking of your actual schedule. But I think social media has made it easier to spread the word about things but also easier to half-commit or flake out.
Any-hoo, I feel it was important for people to have some sort of “call to action” step. I felt/feel like then I would get people who really want to do it, and who weren’t over committed already. I think a big goal is to have a somewhat regular group of women each week. So we can build relationships.
The Invitation
I ended up having about 20 women who responded and were on the list. That was awesome! But how the hay do you get all the information out to this many (busy) ladies without social media. Eeeeep!
I really wanted to create a FB group and call it a day.
But then it wouldn’t be much of an anti social media group, now would it?
I’m the first to admit that I can’t stand paper invites.
Yes, it’s so fun to get happy mail and I love cute/clever ones but I feel like it’s such a waste of paper, and postage is re-donk-u-lus. I thought about doing an evite (that’s my usual), but I really did want to evoke a sense of excitement and the truth is, women love extra details.
I whipped up a sweet little invite, and made it cute by sewing across the paper. I also did a zig-zag stitch across the envelop. It was adorable.

The thing about snail mail invitations… the information you send doesn’t get there instantly and you can’t add to it instantly if you forget anything. So I had to get the invites out asap with everything guests needed to know ahead of time.
Being this prepared is very much not me.
Let’s just say I’m more carefree.
But I got the word out and people came.
15 rad women.

Choosing an Activity
I like crafts, and it’s my group, so we did crafts.
Not really.
I do like crafts, but that’s why I chose something creative.
I’ve found when people are in a group, and have something to do, conversation just comes naturally. And who doesn’t like having a lovely to take home?
I picked a simple craft that people would be able complete while they were at my house. Though I think some people were a little too chatty and didn’t finish… but that’s a great problem to have! For our first meeting we made a Halloween pom pom garland!

The goal was to make one garland for yourself and one for a neighbor you didn’t know very well… AND if you still had time, I wanted the ladies to make enough for some our local Meals on Wheels team to take on their run. But like I’ve said before… I’m sometimes a little over ambitious… and that part didn’t get done.
It is an experiment.
Each guest brought $5 to cover their supplies, so each guest got to bring home their own pom pom maker. Now I’m sure you are wondering what else you could possible make out of pom poms… well… like I told my friends – The possibilities are endless!
Right after our first Anti-Social Experiment I was gifted the book Pom-Poms! from the So Cal Social… such great ideas! (The book is from Quirk Books and I just popped on over to their site and LOVE their stuff… if you have a hard-to-gift-person on your Christmas, list then you need to check them out!)

Food and preparing the house
The Anti-Social Experiment meets between breakfast and lunch (right after various school drop-offs, and before naps and other pick-ups) so I don’t have to organize an actual meal. I ask guests to bring something to share and I supply coffee. Guests can bring anything – store bought McDonalds hash browns (been done), or lovingly made mini surprise inside cupcakes (also been done). If someone’s budget is tight that week, or they don’t have time to put something together… or they just plain forget, well, that’s ok too. I just want friends to get to my place. We’ve had more than enough each time.
Some people freak out at the thought of having 15 guests in their home (plus the umpteen children that come along with an event like this). I’m not one of those people. Remember…I lean more toward the carefree end of the spectrum. I don’t mind if people see my messy house or if there isn’t a unique centerpiece. Anyway, for those of you who are going to host your own Anti-Social Experiment and who tend to be a little… um… less carefree, here a a few things for you to think about: Don’t go crazy cleaning. This is true for most events with lots of children invited – only the first two guests will see your immaculate house before the kid whirlwind sweeps though so it isn’t practical. And guests will be doing messy crafts. Save all your cleaning energy for after the party.

During Experiment
Women came, we prayed, I taught the group how to make the pom pom garland, then we ate yummy food and made pom poms.
It was simple and fun.
I’m sure some conversations started with “Did you see the post..?” but I never heard them. I heard conversations focused on the present and each of our lives at that moment.
About our project.
About our family’s week.
Anxiety about upcoming life changes.
New jobs.
A recent miscarriage.
There was loads of laughing, some tears, and never an awkward silence.
It was beautiful and could never be replicated on social media.

Conclusion
We’ve met twice and each time has exceeded my expectations in participation, and creativity. My Anti-Social Experiment has fulfilled all my main goals – face to face interaction, women being creative, and transparent conversation.
A difficult part has been the communication through snail mail. The group turnaround is very quick because the meetings are so close together. I love that people are getting “real mail” instead of email. But I need to prepare and buy supplies a couple of days in advance so the RSVPs are important. I could limit the number of people i.e. buy/prepare for 12, and once it’s full, it’s full. But that feels very exclusive, and I don’t like that. I’d love for The Experiment to grow and for people to start their own. And I’d love guests to be able to invite friends.
It’s also a lot of work for guests to remember to RSVP with snail mail (at least it is for me). And I don’t want the group to be a burden to guests.
I’m not sure what the communication looks like for the group yet. I would love to get in a rhythm and be more word of mouth. I might try texting for the next meeting.
I’ll let you know how that works out!
(And the Anti-Social Experiment continues.)

I love social media.
Social media helps prevent long distances from keeping friends/family apart, introduces people with specific niche interests, who otherwise might feel alone in this world, and spreads awareness about… well… anything!
But is it real?
Are virtual relationships authentic?
I can most definitely argue in favor of authentic relationships in social media – many of my friends are amazing women I have met through social media. We text often and when we see each other, it’s like we haven’t missed a beat because we have “seen” what’s going on in each other’s lives through social media. I also have in-real-life-friends, whom I already see often, and the events we read about and the pictures we see on social media can give more depth to our frequent conversations.
But more and more often, I’m hearing conversations that start with, “Did you see my post…?” Or I’m at the park and I see a mom scrolling on her phone, apart from her children and the other moms.* And it’s common for people to post EVERY PART of their day on social media and EVERY thought they have no matter how vague or mundane. Yes, some of those thoughts are well crafted, clever, funny or impactful but you have to wonder what a person is getting out of posting, “Ugggggg!!!”, and if comments and likes are substituting actual human interaction.
Are Facebook/twitter/instagram interactions enhancing a friendship or replacing genuine relationship with something counterfeit?
Recently our church did a corporate fast of all social media for a week. I was talking with a friend and she told me she struggled specifically on one day because her family went to Disneyland for a special last-day-of-summer hoorah. Her fingers were just itching to post a family picture at the happiest place on earth with a clever caption. She was asking herself why that particular moment was more of a struggle.
I felt the same way that week.
Is it because I feel validated when people like a post?
Yes.
Do I like to share things that make people laugh/smile/think?
Yep.
Do I enjoy the interactions I have in the comments?
Yes-a-roonie.
Before social media, where would I have been validated, received laughs and had interactions?
Well… people… women, would get together. And chat. At someone’s house. Maybe sip a little coffee. Chat about a common interest or current event. Maybe about the barn raisin’ last week while they embroider pillows or bake pie from scratch, after pulling fresh eggs from the chicken coop.
Did I mention that I flash back to pioneer days in all my imaginary scenarios?
(I’m insane.)
Women need interaction.
We crave it.
I believe that’s why Facebook caught like wildfire among women… specifically moms. An exhausted mom of a newborn, feeling alone with her emotions and insecurities in full swing, can post about her nursing struggles at 3 in the morning. Then other moms having the same struggles can relate, encourage, and offer advice. Also, as moms, we experience pretty monumental moments everyday. Firsts in a human’s life are just begging to be shared. And because, lets be real, our kids are above-average adorable. Who wouldn’t want to see this video…

I mean really people!?!?!?!
I think you may have just added a year to your life after viewing that cuteness.
As great as that social media moment was, I believe tweets, status updates, etc. can often be phony interactions, without significance or consequence (good or bad). Blasting out a famous quote or vague personal thought doesn’t facilitate authentic community.
It’s not what we need.
It’s not what we crave.
I think we can do better.
And I’m conducting an Anti Social Media Experiment to see.
But details about that are for tomorrow’s post!

*Random side thought about mom’s who are on their phones the whole time their kids are at the park. Don’t judge them. I’m sure some are stalking celebrities on IG, but I have to think some are work from home moms who are pulling double duty. So they are actually being awesome for getting their kids out while getting work done. (In my humble opinion.)