I love social media.
Social media helps prevent long distances from keeping friends/family apart, introduces people with specific niche interests, who otherwise might feel alone in this world, and spreads awareness about… well… anything!
But is it real?
Are virtual relationships authentic?
I can most definitely argue in favor of authentic relationships in social media – many of my friends are amazing women I have met through social media. We text often and when we see each other, it’s like we haven’t missed a beat because we have “seen” what’s going on in each other’s lives through social media. I also have in-real-life-friends, whom I already see often, and the events we read about and the pictures we see on social media can give more depth to our frequent conversations.
But more and more often, I’m hearing conversations that start with, “Did you see my post…?” Or I’m at the park and I see a mom scrolling on her phone, apart from her children and the other moms.* And it’s common for people to post EVERY PART of their day on social media and EVERY thought they have no matter how vague or mundane. Yes, some of those thoughts are well crafted, clever, funny or impactful but you have to wonder what a person is getting out of posting, “Ugggggg!!!”, and if comments and likes are substituting actual human interaction.
Are Facebook/twitter/instagram interactions enhancing a friendship or replacing genuine relationship with something counterfeit?
Recently our church did a corporate fast of all social media for a week. I was talking with a friend and she told me she struggled specifically on one day because her family went to Disneyland for a special last-day-of-summer hoorah. Her fingers were just itching to post a family picture at the happiest place on earth with a clever caption. She was asking herself why that particular moment was more of a struggle.
I felt the same way that week.
Is it because I feel validated when people like a post?
Yes.
Do I like to share things that make people laugh/smile/think?
Yep.
Do I enjoy the interactions I have in the comments?
Yes-a-roonie.
Before social media, where would I have been validated, received laughs and had interactions?
Well… people… women, would get together. And chat. At someone’s house. Maybe sip a little coffee. Chat about a common interest or current event. Maybe about the barn raisin’ last week while they embroider pillows or bake pie from scratch, after pulling fresh eggs from the chicken coop.
Did I mention that I flash back to pioneer days in all my imaginary scenarios?
(I’m insane.)
Women need interaction.
We crave it.
I believe that’s why Facebook caught like wildfire among women… specifically moms. An exhausted mom of a newborn, feeling alone with her emotions and insecurities in full swing, can post about her nursing struggles at 3 in the morning. Then other moms having the same struggles can relate, encourage, and offer advice. Also, as moms, we experience pretty monumental moments everyday. Firsts in a human’s life are just begging to be shared. And because, lets be real, our kids are above-average adorable. Who wouldn’t want to see this video…
I mean really people!?!?!?!
I think you may have just added a year to your life after viewing that cuteness.
As great as that social media moment was, I believe tweets, status updates, etc. can often be phony interactions, without significance or consequence (good or bad). Blasting out a famous quote or vague personal thought doesn’t facilitate authentic community.
It’s not what we need.
It’s not what we crave.
I think we can do better.
And I’m conducting an Anti Social Media Experiment to see.
But details about that are for tomorrow’s post!
*Random side thought about mom’s who are on their phones the whole time their kids are at the park. Don’t judge them. I’m sure some are stalking celebrities on IG, but I have to think some are work from home moms who are pulling double duty. So they are actually being awesome for getting their kids out while getting work done. (In my humble opinion.)
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Stephanie Poli says
Love this! I excused myself from facebook about 2 weeks ago. Still have my account but uninstalled the app on my phone. I needed to do it. I found myself in a loopn constantly checking statuses, mainly because I’ve felt a little “cut off” since becoming a mom. But I found it felt like a chore. There was no joy. And people use it as an outlet to complain about the silliest things. I found that when I actually saw my real life friends every conversation began with “OMG did you see what so and so posted?!” I’m super excited to read more about your experiment.
But yes, my smartphone totally allows me to keep 2 businesses going. I mean what else am I going to do while I’m nursing a distractable 4 month old?
rachael says
yep. jason and I talk about this often… and it often seems to come around to jason’s thought that social media has kept the bonds of some friendships/relationships alive perhaps long after they were meant to dwindle away. some people come into your life for only a season. if a friendship is meant to be, to last, it will. and while there are connections and encouragement to be had via social media, that “we are not alone” when on fb at 3am, is there something(one) else we should be paying attention to instead of the words on the screen? i struggle with it all the time. i am guilty of being on my phone at the park. i’ll admit it. i know, too, that family/friends across the country enjoy seeing “how big” my kids are getting (this was inevitable with how tall their parents are), and i feel some sort of connection with them because of it. good to think on. time to shut down. =)
Dayna says
All of this. So true. Thanks for writing about it.